Christmas is a time to celebrate, sing, dance, and be merry. Except this doesn’t always happen. Because the way we feel doesn’t always line up with how we’re ‘supposed’ to act at Christmas. Especially when you are thousands of miles away from those you love.
Even if you are surrounded by people you care about (at home or abroad), you might still feel lonely or downright depressed. Which can be disorienting in a time during which you are expected to be jovial.
In this scenario, you may attempt to override your apathy or melancholy by rousing yourself into a more Christmassy state. You might try listening to Christmas songs, shopping for gifts, or eating some candy cane.
If that doesn’t work, you might watch some old Christmas-themed movies, go to a mall and sit on Santa’s lap, or buy your dog some faux antlers.
This could be all that’s needed, for many of us.
But for others, even this may not be enough. In fact, efforts to lighten your mood may cause the opposite to happen.
Feeling bad is bad enough. Feeling bad about feeling bad really sucks.
“What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can’t I just enjoy the Christmas lights, Christmas trees, and Christmas treats, and have a jolly old time like everyone else?”, you begin asking yourself.
This, unsurprisingly, makes you feel worse. So, you try again. You work harder and harder, applying more and more pressure, to reverse the sadness you already feel. And in doing so, you spiral deeper into a pit of self-loathing.
Feeling bad is bad enough. Feeling bad about feeling bad really sucks.
So, you have a choice: You can go on playing this game; pressuring yourself to feel better; to enjoy yourself; to smile like everyone else. And in doing so, risk sliding further into negativity, if you ‘fail’ at feeling better.
Or, you can release the pressure valve by telling yourself something like this:
Sure, this is typically a time for fun and laughter.
It certainly would be nice to enjoy this Christmas and not feel so lonely.
But hey, if I don’t, that’s OK too.
Not every Christmas, New Year’s Eve, birthday, or Spring Festival, has to be great.
Some might just be mediocre.
And some might suck.
Maybe this Christmas is one that sucks.
If that’s the case, so be it.
But I’ll be damned if I’m going to censure myself for not enjoying it.
It’s OK to feel bad, sometimes. Even at Christmas.
And I don’t need to deny or override these feelings.
They will pass.
And until then, I will just be.
So, the choice is yours. Have a merry Christmas – unless you don’t feel like it. In which case, spend it however you like.
There are plenty of articles that offer more typical advice on what to do if you are struggling during the holidays. Here are three:
12 Expert-Approved Ways To Cope If You’re Spending Christmas Alone This Year
How to Spend Christmas Alone and Still Make It Merry Without Family
